The Dart Champion of Vons: OPTIMAL CAT IS OPTIMAL

The List of Punchings

Dane Cook
Die-cast metal toy car collectors
Vegetarians
You boners that use "organic" to describe food.
Anyone who views kettlekorn in a positive manner.
Movie theaters that run anti-piracy ads in front of a movie that I just paid ten bucks for.
Cable companies that run ads for cable service on their own cable network.
People who pronounce the name of my employer as 'tar-zhay'.
People who consider dogs to be their kids.
People who can't keep their clocks synched.
Alexander Graham Bell
Arthur C. Clarke